One week after the Create for Care Conference I am still soaking it all in. It was amazing to be with 250 adoptive mamas and hear from so many speakers who have adopted.
I would love to share with you all that I learned but I've tried writing several blog posts. Nothing seems right. For now, I will share with you the highlights for me.
There were many amazing speakers but two spoke to me when it comes to orphanage dust. One mom has four adopted children from Russia and the other has EIGHT from Russia! The age range of the children at adoption were about 5-14 years old. These moms have been home for 10 years. I was so encouraged by them because they have been where I am now.
The first thing these moms gave me was HOPE!
Joel 2:25- I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.
Then they encouraged me to continue BELIEVING that Igor's wounds, the emotional holes would heal.
1 Peter 2:24- He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
They gave me a tool to speak the words of life into Igor's brokenness. I realized that Igor knows who God is but may not know how God sees him. These words will give Igor language to help him think about who he is in God's eyes.
Igor, you were wonderfully made by God. He knew you before you were born (Psalm 139:14)
God choose you! John 15:16
The love of Christ lives in you! John 17:26
Igor, did you know that you are a child of God? He has given you the ability to be slow to become angry? (James 1:19)
Finally, I should call things that are not as though they are.
When lying- Igor you are not a liar, you are a young man of integrity.
When in or after meltdown mode - You are a young man of self control.
When filled with rage- Igor you are filled with love and compassion.
There is so much more I want to share! I will when I have the words.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Henry is FOUR!!
Happy birthday Henry! You are FOUR!!
Henry wanted teeny, tiny cakes, and small cakes with blue frosting!
Here he is in his new Toy Story PJ's!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Henry's lotion
On the way back from the adoption retreat we started talking about the lotion I make for Henry. Here's another oldie but goody post! I have been using this recipe since Jan 2009, and it has never failed me. Henry's skin looks great and stays soft. The lotion is inexpensive compared to name brand lotions.
Jan 22, 2009
My friend and blogger pal Susan has started making body butter for her son. She inspired me to make body butter for Henry since his skin is so dry. Susan's recipe uses Aquaphor but I did not have that on hand so I used Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream. I have had great results with the Cetaphil version. It's the only lotion I use on Henry's skin.
I buy raw shea butter at our local African American beauty supply store. I purchase Cetaphil Moistsuring cream at a big box store
I mixed 6 oz of raw Shea Butter and 3-5 oz of Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream in my KitchenAide mixer for about 10 minutes and wallah, the mixture is like body butter and it keeps Henry's skin from getting ashy. I store the lotion in an air tight container and apply it to Henry's skin once or twice a day. I hope you love the lotion as much as we do!
Jan 22, 2009
My friend and blogger pal Susan has started making body butter for her son. She inspired me to make body butter for Henry since his skin is so dry. Susan's recipe uses Aquaphor but I did not have that on hand so I used Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream. I have had great results with the Cetaphil version. It's the only lotion I use on Henry's skin.
I buy raw shea butter at our local African American beauty supply store. I purchase Cetaphil Moistsuring cream at a big box store
I mixed 6 oz of raw Shea Butter and 3-5 oz of Cetaphil Moisturizing Cream in my KitchenAide mixer for about 10 minutes and wallah, the mixture is like body butter and it keeps Henry's skin from getting ashy. I store the lotion in an air tight container and apply it to Henry's skin once or twice a day. I hope you love the lotion as much as we do!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Getting to know our son's needs
I'm in Atlanta this weekend attending the Created for Care retreat. It's been an amazing time of fellowship, learning and hearing God speak and we still have tomorrow!
I was talking about attachment with another adoptive mom this afternoon and I remembered the post Rob wrote about our meeting Henry and his attachment. For some this is a repeat but I really felt as though I should re-post it.
Today was the day! We would finally meet our son! We traveled to Ethiopia with two other couples and we were all filled with butterflies. Our hosts came out and invited the first couple in. And then the second.
Then it was our turn - and we were told, "Your son is napping."
For a deflating two hours, we mingled with the other children at the orphanage and took pictures on behalf of other waiting parents. We would stick our heads in the room of the sleeping 2-year-olds and hope our son had awakened. We waited and waited. Finally his beautiful eyes were opened and I picked our son up.
Now, I am an adoption "veteran". I know that during the first meeting of adoptive parents and children, the Disney music is NOT always playing in the background. However, I had not prepared myself for our son's crying. Henry was emotionally attached to the wonderful caretakers at the transition house. In his world, he knew who was supposed to be there lifting him out of his crib - and it wasn't 1) a man who 2) spoke a language he had never heard. My son started crying and had to be taken by his nanny to calm and soothe him.
I, the adoption vet, felt terrible. I was tired from jet lag and totally depressed. I tried to put on a brave face, but I was bummed. Candy wisely played off the tenderness of the nanny who absolutely loved our son. Watching her, learning from her, my wife began the long process of bonding with our boy. I moped around the margins.
The next day, we went back for our "gotcha day". It didn't take long for me to get over that initial disappointment. When we picked up Henry and carried him to the van, he cried out for his "mama". We knew he was calling for his nanny.
With crocodile tears in his eyes, we left the transition home ready to become our son's parents. Little did I know that this little boy who loved his nanny and cried out for her would quickly attach to Candy.
In the early days, Henry was attached to my wife's hip. He demanded that he be carried everywhere. Carrying a 23 month old constantly is exhausting but Candy carried him because he needed to be held, he needed to be close, he needed to feel the warmth of her skin.
In this way he knew he was loved and cared for. For Henry, this was his way of attaching to us.
Well, he was attaching to my wife. Henry would come to me, but I was not someone he looked for when he needed comfort, soothing, love.... my bonding time with Henry would look very different.
The first 7-9 months, Henry routinely awoke anytime between 4am and 5am. I would bundle him up, put him in the stroller and we'd walk - anywhere between 2-4 miles. This was a wonderful way for Henry to learn that I was not a bad guy. He was close to me, but not touching me. This is the way he needed to bond to me.
For us, a major treat was when Henry stayed asleep until 6 or 6:15. But, as tired as I was, those early mornings yielded beautiful bonding between Father and Son. Sure, it wasn't the recipe used in many adoption books but it was the one Henry needed.
Now, Henry is my bud and whenever I am not home, he constantly calls for "Daddy". Conversely, whenever Candy is out of sight, he wants "Mommy".
Figuring out how Henry needed to bond to each of us has made our family connection strong.
I was talking about attachment with another adoptive mom this afternoon and I remembered the post Rob wrote about our meeting Henry and his attachment. For some this is a repeat but I really felt as though I should re-post it.
Today was the day! We would finally meet our son! We traveled to Ethiopia with two other couples and we were all filled with butterflies. Our hosts came out and invited the first couple in. And then the second.
Then it was our turn - and we were told, "Your son is napping."
For a deflating two hours, we mingled with the other children at the orphanage and took pictures on behalf of other waiting parents. We would stick our heads in the room of the sleeping 2-year-olds and hope our son had awakened. We waited and waited. Finally his beautiful eyes were opened and I picked our son up.
Now, I am an adoption "veteran". I know that during the first meeting of adoptive parents and children, the Disney music is NOT always playing in the background. However, I had not prepared myself for our son's crying. Henry was emotionally attached to the wonderful caretakers at the transition house. In his world, he knew who was supposed to be there lifting him out of his crib - and it wasn't 1) a man who 2) spoke a language he had never heard. My son started crying and had to be taken by his nanny to calm and soothe him.
I, the adoption vet, felt terrible. I was tired from jet lag and totally depressed. I tried to put on a brave face, but I was bummed. Candy wisely played off the tenderness of the nanny who absolutely loved our son. Watching her, learning from her, my wife began the long process of bonding with our boy. I moped around the margins.
The next day, we went back for our "gotcha day". It didn't take long for me to get over that initial disappointment. When we picked up Henry and carried him to the van, he cried out for his "mama". We knew he was calling for his nanny.
With crocodile tears in his eyes, we left the transition home ready to become our son's parents. Little did I know that this little boy who loved his nanny and cried out for her would quickly attach to Candy.
In the early days, Henry was attached to my wife's hip. He demanded that he be carried everywhere. Carrying a 23 month old constantly is exhausting but Candy carried him because he needed to be held, he needed to be close, he needed to feel the warmth of her skin.
In this way he knew he was loved and cared for. For Henry, this was his way of attaching to us.
Well, he was attaching to my wife. Henry would come to me, but I was not someone he looked for when he needed comfort, soothing, love.... my bonding time with Henry would look very different.
The first 7-9 months, Henry routinely awoke anytime between 4am and 5am. I would bundle him up, put him in the stroller and we'd walk - anywhere between 2-4 miles. This was a wonderful way for Henry to learn that I was not a bad guy. He was close to me, but not touching me. This is the way he needed to bond to me.
For us, a major treat was when Henry stayed asleep until 6 or 6:15. But, as tired as I was, those early mornings yielded beautiful bonding between Father and Son. Sure, it wasn't the recipe used in many adoption books but it was the one Henry needed.
Now, Henry is my bud and whenever I am not home, he constantly calls for "Daddy". Conversely, whenever Candy is out of sight, he wants "Mommy".
Figuring out how Henry needed to bond to each of us has made our family connection strong.
Monday, January 31, 2011
We have a referral!!
Our family coordinator called- we were referred an adorable 18 month old girl. She's soooo little!! She has the sweetest smile and she looks cuddly. We cannot wait to meet her, hold her, kiss her chubby cheeks!
We can't show you pictures until a successful court date so for now imagine Henry's body type with a cute girly face.
So what's next?
There are a lot of things to pray for- finances, paperwork, the boys and our daughter's adjustment and so much more.
We are very excited to see our daughter's face!!
We can't show you pictures until a successful court date so for now imagine Henry's body type with a cute girly face.
So what's next?
- our agency to obtain/prepare our documents for court
- The Ethiopian court to accept our paperwork
- get a court date
- fly to Ethiopia to meet our daughter and go to court
- Fly home
- Our agency to submit paperwork to the US Embassy
- US Embassy to perform an investigation and release a VISA
- Fly back to Ethiopia to pick up our daughter.
There are a lot of things to pray for- finances, paperwork, the boys and our daughter's adjustment and so much more.
We are very excited to see our daughter's face!!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Teeth...
Two days before Christmas I broke a molar. This started what I call -Tooth-mania! Thank goodness this week was the curtain call for Tooth-mania- 4 appointments, one crown, and two restorations later teeth number 29, 30 and 31 have all been repaired. My trips to the dentist were over!! I wanted to have a party... but Tooth-mania in our household was not over.
On Friday Igor got off the school bus, rode his bike home and ran up the stairs to the house. I heard screams and crying. I ran into the kitchen. Rob informed me Igor had fallen on the stairs. Rob was getting ice and paper towels for the bleeding. I looked in Igor's mouth to see if he'd need stitches but noticed something much more concerning- his front tooth- his adult tooth- was missing. I asked Rob to go outside to find the tooth. I wasn't sure who to call first- the doctor for stitches or the dentist. I called the dentist. (did you know that the dentist can stitch up lips? They do!) After answering all the dentist's questions and finding the tooth it was decided that we should come in the office. Her practice is closed on Friday so she had to open the office and her husband (also a dentist) came in to assist. Igor's tooth has been glued back on and we'll know within 30 days if the tooth will survive. Igor can only chew foods with his molars for the next 30 days and he cannot participate in any activity that might result in him falling or getting hit in the head/face for the next 2 weeks. After observing our son in action for the last 24 hours, I'm pretty sure 90% of what Igor does when not sitting could lead to a fall. ugh.. If the tooth doesn't survive, Igor will need a root canal and crown- ouch! So Tooth-mania continues at least for another month.
On Friday Igor got off the school bus, rode his bike home and ran up the stairs to the house. I heard screams and crying. I ran into the kitchen. Rob informed me Igor had fallen on the stairs. Rob was getting ice and paper towels for the bleeding. I looked in Igor's mouth to see if he'd need stitches but noticed something much more concerning- his front tooth- his adult tooth- was missing. I asked Rob to go outside to find the tooth. I wasn't sure who to call first- the doctor for stitches or the dentist. I called the dentist. (did you know that the dentist can stitch up lips? They do!) After answering all the dentist's questions and finding the tooth it was decided that we should come in the office. Her practice is closed on Friday so she had to open the office and her husband (also a dentist) came in to assist. Igor's tooth has been glued back on and we'll know within 30 days if the tooth will survive. Igor can only chew foods with his molars for the next 30 days and he cannot participate in any activity that might result in him falling or getting hit in the head/face for the next 2 weeks. After observing our son in action for the last 24 hours, I'm pretty sure 90% of what Igor does when not sitting could lead to a fall. ugh.. If the tooth doesn't survive, Igor will need a root canal and crown- ouch! So Tooth-mania continues at least for another month.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Shoes for Kombolcha!
you may purchase the necklaces on her blog:
All the funds raised will be used to buy shoes which are desperately needed!!
We have children who need sponsors. Besides proper fitting shoes, these children need sponsors. Many of the children at Grace Baptist Church are single or double orphans. They may live with a relative who can provide shelter but not food or clothing because of extreme poverty. There is also food shortages in parts of Ethiopia. Kombolocha is located North East of Addis Ababa. According to the Famine Early Warning, Kombolcha is dealing with moderate to high food insecurities.
My friend Karen was with us in Kombolcha in December 2009, and she wrote this about these precious children and our experience:
These children were gaunt and thin. Tattered and stained clothing that covered skin stretched across bone. Eating grass when they thought we weren't looking. Some had lice, some had sores that weren't healing. All of them were hungry. All of them were longing for the reassuring, loving and protective arms of a mommy or daddy.
Every one of us went to bed that night with the question on our lips and hearts ... why? These innocent children, through no fault of their own, are left to fend for themselves. Hungry, scared, sick ... and alone, with no one in the world to love them, to soothe their fears, to stroke their forehead when they are sick and feverish, to kiss them goodnight. Why? It's so unfair.
We can make a difference in these children's lives. $34 per month ensures that a desperately poor and hungry child will have a meal every day, clothing, medical care, education and Christian discipleship. If you would like to sponsor a child or receive more information, please email me- mblueberry .madamblueberry@gmail.com
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