Thank you God, for my Daughter

Rob wrote this post:

Merone had a sad look on her face - we disrupted her world pretty dramatically when we adopted her and she was powerless to voice any kind of opinion. Even the language she had was taken from her. This look on her face is a good teaching tool for adoptive parents. We do something good - give orphans permanent homes. But in doing it, we have to acknowledge the trauma they have been through, the extreme losses they have suffered. We adoptive parents bring hope to them, but it must be a hope that is willing to take time, be patient, and honor the pain they are in and the pain they've been forced to endure. I see all of that Merone's sad eyes, in June 2011.

Eight years ago

It's been an incredible 8 years since we first met this little fellow. He's not so little now!  

Time Flies.   

One year ago we were in Ethiopia for our court date.  We were delighted when the judge granted our adoption of Merone.  We are delighted to be her parents.

Created for Care

This weekend I spent the weekend with 400 adoptive moms at the Created for Care retreat in Atlanta.   Created for Care is a non-profit ministry designed to encourage, equip and bring rest to adoptive moms via a yearly retreat.  Last year I was so encouraged by the speakers.  They poured out God's truth about our children and they provided encouragement for those of us who have children from "hard places".  This year was just as amazing.  I cannot wait until next year.

I had a wonderful time connecting with moms from our agency and moms who have adopted from Russia and Ethiopia. 

They are hosting a second retreat March 23-25, 2012. If you have adopted or are in the process of adopting, I highly recommend this retreat.  You will come away refreshed! Click here for more details. 

November 16, 2005

On November 16, 2005, a Russian judged approved our adoption- Igor was our son!  I cannot believe we've been a family for 6 years!  We celebrated with Igor's favorite meal- pizza and prince charming pumpkin cake.  Life couldn't be sweeter.

9/11

I watched the 9/11 anniversary events with tears in my eyes.  We all remember exactly where we were when we heard the news ten years ago.
Five years ago, on 9/11 we moved from the Washington, DC suburbs to our new home.  A bittersweet move but it allowed me to stay home with Igor and Rob to work full time.  In hindsight, the move was a huge blessing for our family.

Three years ago on 9/11 we received our second referral from Ethiopia.  The picture of Henry was grainy and blurry but the smile on his sweet face was precious. 
This year we celebrated Henry's referral anniversary and Ethiopian New Year (which is on 9/11).  It was a sweet reminder of how precious Henry is and how grateful we are to call him our son.

Giardia Update

Yes, this little pest is still here... he is currently living in Henry's tummy.  Henry finished up his first round of antibiotics this week. 

We'll be breaking out "the kits" next week to test Merone- we are hoping she is parasite free.  Henry will be tested the following week. I am praying that we'll be done "sampling" by the end of the month.

The good news - Igor is parasite free!! 

A different point of view

Our neighborhood has a Yahoo Group so we share information on contractors, share local events and most importantly, find out who is old enough to baby sit!

Today I checked my e-mails around 5PM and read this message which had just been posted:

Two young teenage african-americans are roaming our neighborhood trying to sell what looks like event tickets I did not open my door - please do not open your door - should I call anyone in the light of recent break in? Do I call 911 or just the police office number?? (fyi- it was an attempted break in at 3AM. No one was apprehended.)

I thought to myself- call the police, really? Why not ask who they are and what are doing/selling first?? And why are you so afraid of teenage African-American boys? My mind raced forward 10 years, I imagined Henry walking with the two other teenage African-American boys in our neighborhood and I thought this woman is ready to call the police because my son is black.  My mind quickly races back to the present.

Right now Henry is 4 yrs old, many see him as a cute novelty, adopted from Ethiopia. Okay, some see him as an orphan rescued by his wonderful, loving, and saintly parents (we ONLY meet the loving criteria and we did not rescue him).. but how people see Henry will change. As he grows older his adorable preschool cuteness will be gone and he will be a handsome teenage African-American boy. He won't be holding my hand or yelling from the backyard- Mommy look what I can do!! He will be "hanging out" in our yard, or walking in our neighborhood with his friends who may be African-American boys and someone may call the police because they assume he doesn't belong in our neighborhood or that the boys are up to no good.  This is racial profiling.  For the first time in my life I feel it in a deeply personal way, I sense the ugliness of it and I know I must do something.

I picked up the phone and thought what am I doing?? I set the phone down but I KNEW I must talk to this woman.  I calmed down enough to call this neighbor. I have never met her but she said she knew about our family. We talked about the e-mail, about the fact that two of our children are not white and we cannot assume these teens are up to no good just because they are black teens. She apologized for any offense I had taken to the e-mail.

Two hours later she came over to our house to introduce herself and apologized in person. As Henry and Merone stood next to us we explained that we want our kids to grow up in a neighborhood where they feel safe and our neighbors do not think of them as threatening no matter their age. She said she could see it from our side now and she was sorry she reacted the way she did.

You might be wondering what the teenagers were doing in our neighborhood. They are football players from our high school selling merchant discount cards which will benefit the equipment fund.

Parasite 1, Antibiotics 0

The doctor called this morning, Merone still has giardia.  We started a second round of antibiotics today.  I'm concerned about Henry who has some symptoms of giardia sooo we stopped by the doctors office to pick up another "sample" kit for Henry. 

Merone had her two year old check-up.  As we suspected, she is younger than two.  (disclaimer- our agency told us up front they believed Merone was younger than the orphanage reported in their paperwork.)   Merone's one year old molars are just breaking through and there are no signs of her two year old molars. 

Some of you are wondering how could her age be in question.  Most mothers in Ethiopia have their babies at home not in a hospital so there is no hospital record of the birth.  Many mother's remember the season (rainy, planting, harvesting, etc) of the child's birth but maybe not the actual date.  There is also an issue of the calendar.  We use a Julian calendar and Ethiopia uses Ge'ez calendar which has 13 months.  So, there could be an issue with the conversion of the date of birth.  There is the case of when the child's parents have died or the child has been abandoned so a birth date must be created with the best guess.

The nurse at the doctor's office tried to take Merone's blood but she was unsuccessful.  We will visit the hospital for her bloodwork.  Henry was a "hard stick" too so we had to take him to the hospital for his blood work as well.  I hope Mary is working when we take Merone in but I'll take the Goth guy too. 

A new family order

**** I am not an expert on adoption or claim to have all the answers. This post is to share our experiences after adopting three children.***

Every time a new child comes into our family a new order needs to be established. We experienced this with each of our children.  Although, the new order for Igor had the most impact on us, his parents.  We moved to a couple with no children to parents of a 3 1/2 year old.  Wow, did our lives change quickly!  We rejoiced because we were finally parents but there was some grieving for the care-free life style we lived before parenthood.

When we adopted Henry there was  a time of disorder that occurred prior to the "new normal".  It took  months to see the completion of this reordering process but in every family the re-ordering process can look different.  The  months of re-ordering were very hard for Igor who went from an only child to a big brother.  He regressed about a year when Henry came home.  It's hard to watch the regression in your children but it's natural, it happens in most families then something clicks for the child and the child moves forward again. 

The re-ordering process is a very difficult time for each family member because we are all impacted to different degrees.

I have found it difficult to balance Henry's emotional neediness with the minute by minute needs of Merone who has taken barnacle to a new level.   Henry has been regressing before my eyes.... He wants to drink from a bottle, he cries more often, he wants to ride in the stroller, and so on.  Igor less impacted because he remains the "oldest" but he still needs to learn compassion and love for Merone.

Today, I am lowering my expectations of what each child is capable of and of what I can do for each child.  I'm not doing this because I think my children are lazy or have emotionally checked out... it's because family re-ordering has taken an emotional toll on all of us.  Igor is "faking it until" he feels compassion and love for Merone.  Henry is experiencing a loss of his position of being the "baby" and I need to have compassion for him as he sorts out his role in our family.  So for now, he can have a bottle or ride in the stroller.  Yes, some of you are gasping at this thought but I am choosing to meet Henry where is emotionally right now.  I know he won't stay in this place for long.  When I have a few minutes, I am trying to make some special one on one time for Henry and Igor, after all older siblings need mom too.  

Merone is with us!!

Here's a picture of our sweet girl after her first night with us at the guest house!!

 

And so it begins again- please pray...

We leave for Ethiopia next week!! We are excited but it is tempered by the current action by MOWYCA (similar to social services in the US).  MOWYCA does not appear to be writing letters required for court.  We have many dear friends who have been matched with their children, have gone to court but have not passed court because the MOWYCA letter was missing.  These families long to go back to pick up their child(ren).  We have other friends waiting for referrals but the delay for those who have not passed court is causing a ripple effect and referrals have slowed to a crawl.
Our friends in Ethiopia have put out this call for prayer and fasting-
Calling adoptive families, intercessors & orphan advocates: The director of MOWYCA (the agency that approves adoptions) in Ethiopia is not working for justice for orphans. We want to challenge each of you to fast and/or pray this week that her heart is changed or that she is removed from office. This is urgent as it will affect all Ethiopian adoptions. Not looking at circumstances, but on the One who changes them!


thank you for praying!

Embassy Appointment

We received an e-mail this morning with the sweetest news- We have a confirmed Embassy Appointment on June 23!  We are finalizing our travel plans. In less than two weeks we will be in Ethiopia with Merone.

  

Cleared for Travel!!!

The US Embassy has clear us for travel!!!  We are should receive our Embassy Appointment confirmation tomorrow!!  We are so excited to know we will be able to pick up our daughter soon.  We also learned that baby girl has the chicken pox!!  Please pray she has a mild case and recovers quickly.

Tonight we had a pancake dinner fundraiser to help bring Merone home.  We raised almost the exact amount of money needed for Merone's air plane ticket home.  Thank you God for providing!!!

Moving to the next step!

Rejoice, Rejoice!!  On Wednesday our paperwork for Merone's adoption was submitted to the U.S. Embassy in Ethiopia.  Some of you are wondering what that means.
Our adoption agency must collect post court paperwork such as- new birth certificates, a passport for Merone, a medical evaluation is done, and so on.  All the documents the US Embassy requires for review has been submitted!  The Embassy has about a week to review the documents,  After their review they could:

1. issue us an Embassy appointment in Addis or 
2. request more information or
3. do an investigation

 We are praying for option 1 because the next steps would be getting on a plane, picking up Merone, meeting with Embassy officials and then flying home!!
We should hear something this week! 

Court date!

We received a call from our agency this morning.  Our court date is May 18!!  We are so excited.  We cannot wait to meet our daughter!  I have so much I want to share but I'm speechless.  Right now I'm savoring the sweetest words, "you have a court date"
Thanks to all who have been praying for this call.  We appreciate your prayers and support so much.

Ethiopia update

We have been told that the backlog of MOWA/MOWCYA letters have been written!  The letters are now with the judges.  The judges are going through the backlog of cases daily. This is great news!

In other news, we received an e-mail regarding our little girl.  Please pray for healing.  She is sick again.
thanks

Sweet, sweet news- Ethiopia Update

We received an e-mail from our agency with good news:
America World has received confirmation of significant personnel changes within MOWA.  These changes have resulted in overall staff turnover and changes within the adoption unit.  The unit is now called the Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA).  We are hopeful that the new leadership will not only support processing an adequate number of favorable recommendation letters, but also continue to implement policies that will best serve the children of Ethiopia.  Due to the staffing changes we anticipate much transition over the next few weeks until the staff are settled into their new positions. We have continued to receive optimistic feedback and have seen how the Ethiopian government is very committed to adoption.
We look forward to more good news and a court date!

Some Encouraging news

On the first day of the MOWA slow down we have a huge praise from our agency- AWAA!
 we received favorable recommendation letters from MOWA today for 4 families currently in Ethiopia resulting in them successfully passing court today!
We rejoice with these familes!

I remain very encouraged that the situation in Ethiopia will be a temporary one.  The National Council for Adoption issued the following statement today in regards the situation in Ethiopia:

At the end of February 2011, the Ethiopian Ministry of Women, Children and Youth Affairs (MOWA) issued an unexpected directive indicating a dramatic reduction in the number of intercountry adoption cases to be processed by the Ministry. This directive is scheduled to go into effect by Thursday, March 10, 2011.

In 2010, more than 2,500 Ethiopian children were adopted by American families. Should MOWA implement the recent directive as indicated, the number of adoptions from Ethiopia could fall as much as 90%, although the full impact of MOWA’s decision is unknown and cannot be predicted at this time.

This ruling follows a year of significant progress in improving and increasing transparency in the Ethiopian adoption process. Following several safeguards enacted last year, NCFA’s confidence in the Ethiopian adoption system has grown significantly. Additional protective measures may still be necessary, however, to increase global confidence in the process. MOWA’s recent decision appears to have surprised many Ethiopian government officials, as well as the Central Adoption Authorities in the U.S., Italy, and Spain. Many within the adoption community, including the U.S. Department of State (DOS) and the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Service (USCIS), members of Congress, child welfare officials in many countries, and the National Council For Adoption (NCFA), have criticized the MOWA directive as unfair, unnecessary, and harmful to children in Ethiopian orphanages who await permanent families.

NCFA is grateful for the swift action taken by the U.S. Department of State, led by Special Advisor Ambassador Susan Jacobs, to communicate with Ethiopian adoption officials in an effort to reach a favorable resolution that will serve the best interests of abandoned and orphaned children in Ethiopia.
"We are encouraged by the advocacy taking place behind the scenes and hopeful that these collective efforts will bring clarity and an immediate adjustment to this unjust and unnecessary ruling, which has the potential to negatively impact so many vulnerable children,” said NCFA president and CEO Chuck Johnson.

Unconfirmed reports indicate that personnel changes within MOWA have resulted from the rogue handling of this decision, and because of this, NCFA is hopeful that new leadership will offer opportunities for better communication and a swift resolution to this looming crisis. NCFA respectfully calls on MOWA to amend its recent harmful directive and ensure that subsequent reforms reflect a comprehensive child welfare policy that retains the option of intercountry adoption for Ethiopian orphans while ensuring policies and procedures that serve the best interests of children.
 
Thank you to everyone who has signed the petition!  If you haven't done so, please click here.  It only takes 30 seconds or so.
 
Please continue to pray that meetings and decisions in Ethiopia will align with God's heart for orphans and adoption.  Thanks!

Campaign for Ethiopia's orphans

By now if you are connected with adoptions in Ethiopia, you've heard the rumors - MOWA- the Minstry of Women's Affairs plans to reduce the number of interntional adoptions dramatically.  If you are concerned about the slow down in Ethiopia adoptions there are a couple things you can do.
You can Help via the Joint Council Emergency Campaign for Ethiopia Children.
Click here to go to their website which I have cut and pasted below:

1) Sign the petition to the Prime Minister of Ethiopia, Meles Zenawi – and pass it on!

2) Have you adopted from Ethiopia?
 Please send us up to 3 photos and 50 words or less with what you would like the Ministry to know about your child – we’ll compile the information and send a book to the Ministry of Woman’s, Children’s and Youth Affairs. Send your photos and stories to advocate@jointcouncil.org by Sunday, March 12, 2011 to be included. Please note that sending photos and stories gives Joint Council unrestricted right to use the information you provide.

3) Share…Please send this Call to Action to family members, other adoptive parents, and everyone you know! Post, forward and share your adoption stories via Facebook, Twitter, and blogs. Make sure you include us in your posts so we can all hear your stories! Here’s links to our pages: Facebook, Twitter and our blog.

4) Stay informed: Get up-to-date information regarding the situation in Ethiopia by signing up to receive information from us: click here to do so, make sure you choose “country and issues specific information” and “Ethiopia.” And don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and our blog

5) Help ensure our advocacy can continue: Joint Council is a non-profit and receives no government funding. Please join us in ensuring more children live in safe, permanent and loving families. Donate today!

Most of all ....Please continue to pray that meetings and decisions in Ethiopia will align with God's heart for orphans and adoption.