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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Attachment & Sleeping

Many have asked, have you had attachment/bonding issues issues with Henry?

Adoption.com describes "Bonding"- is "falling in love" with your child and your child with you.

Rob and I have definitely bonded with Henry. I believe that Henry has bonded with us.

Adoption.com describes "Secure Attachment" - Child rests comfortably in mother's arms and makes good eye contact with child. Eye contact between mother and child is reciprocal and both of them feel at one. When mother leaves the child and separation occurs, the child feels distress. When mother returns, the child is delighted to see the mother and the mother is delighted to see the child. The child will quickly settle into mother's arms and refuel. The child will be ready for a nap or will be ready to venture into the world until he tires and is ready to refuel again. This process will be repeated thousands of times until object constancy is attained.

Henry and I are approaching a "Secure Attachment". Henry and I have great eye contact but we still practice eye contact by doing silly things such as rubbing noses, peek-a-boo or exchanging Cheerios mouth to mouth. When I leave Henry with Rob or Henry THINKS I am about to leave he sobs, stomps his feet, he will run to get his shoes. When I return Henry waves, smiles, giggles and/or runs to me. When he is scared, tired or confused he seeks me out, he will demand to be held. All these things point to us building a secure attachment. However, they must be done over and over again, repeated thousands of times in order for a secure attachment to be formed.

Rob and Henry's attachment is in the beginning stages. Only in the last week has Henry chosen to go to Rob over me. When Henry is upset or distressed and needs comfort he will occasionally allow Rob to comfort him. This morning was the first time that Henry cuddled with Rob in the bed. Normally Henry comes to my side of the bed and wants to be right next to my body. This morning Henry laid right next to Rob and gave him a kiss. It was such a sweet moment.

Overall, I am thrilled with Henry's attachment to us and us to him. At the Transitional Home Rob and I were very concerned about how Henry would attach to us. I will ask Rob to write a post describing our first meeting with Henry and Henry's initial rejection of us.

Henry has been waking up around 2 or 3 AM but no longer cries! He talks to himself or sings and then falls back to sleep! Since DST he has been getting up around 5:30AM! We are so pleased that Henry is finally on a consistent sleeping schedule.


kangaj1 said...

Yay! I'm so glad he is sleeping better! Praise God!

jill coen said...

I'd say DST was worth it! :) I'm so glad that secure attachment is coming along. Can't wait to see you guys!

shawn and tisha said...

So glad to hear your attachment and bonding are going so well!! :)

Carpenters said...

It's so good to hear that the bonding and attachment are going well. I remember hearing you say once that it takes about a year to really attach and now that we have pasted that benchmark, I have to agree. Our family now feels so very much like "home", if that makes sense. I'm so thrilled for you all.